The Sweet Spot

On April 20, 2025, I finished "The Sweet Spot" by Paul Bloom. I emailed Mr. Bloom after finishing "Against Empathy", which was his second most recent book, and he recommended that I also read his most recent one, which was "The Sweet Spot." "The Sweet Spot", just like "Against Empathy", discussed human nature as well as the inevitable limits our evolutions have brought to us, and then searched for a "happy median" that would maximize both morality and practicality in contemporary society.

While "Against Empathy"'s happy median was cognitive empathy, a resolution from emotional empathy and "bloodless" utilitarianism, "The Sweet Spot"'s happy median came from pain and pleasure. That is, people are naturally evolved to seek pleasure, but they are not born hedonists: they attempt to find meaning in their lives, even if that involves temporary separations from pleasure. People do not necessarily want to have pain, but they are willing to go through painful experiences in order to make achievements. This is where people's meaning comes from: although it is different how each and every person defines a life to be good, or a challenge to be worthwhile, they are willing to make sacrifices and give up hedonistic pleasure in search of something that is more sophisticated. This gives their lives meaning.

Take an extreme example. A part of "The Sweet Spot" discusses an example where an individual is connected to a machine that transmits neurological substances that induce happiness physically, throughout their entire lifetime. If we only consider the duration of pleasure to be its measurement, these kinds of life would be considered the best, the happiest. However, because we are complex human beings, we are not satisfied with sensory pleasures, albeit a number of people do resort to these methods when they decide that their lives are not "good enough" or "satisfactory" regardless of what they do.

This is when "chosen pleasure" comes into play: people willingly hike mountains, row oceans, and take countless hours studying and working. Such efforts lead to two different rewards. First, because these pursuits often induce external praises and recognition, such appreciation becomes a source of motivation. Second, for people who genuinely want to expand their physical and mental capacities, and devote themselves to something they are passionate about, the "suffering" caused by their challenges are mere sacrifices for something bigger, something more meaningful. In this case, then, the "meaning" pertains to becoming a better self and experiencing new things throughout their lifetime.

However, what if the suffering is not chosen? Countless people, historically and in current times, go through suffering that they did not sign up for. Starting from illnesses and deaths of loved ones, and to being kept in concentration camps or getting tortured to the point of permanent injury or internal wounds, these kinds of suffering are unexpected, painful, and cannot be stopped whenever the individuals want them to stop. They are simply imposed on them, rather than sought out voluntarily for a sense of meaning or rewards. Thus, happiness that comes from unchosen suffering is not actually from the suffering per se, but rather, the process of individuals coping with the damages and the appreciation of the things that they do have access to.

This, however, is a result of multiple other factors. For some people, the tragedy may be too hard to bear, and they may devise a spiritual meaning so that they can convince themselves that their tragedies happen for a reason. This is also where the concept of karma and the idea of afterlife often comes from. For other people, their happiness may stem from the external support they receive after the tragedy. The reassurances, affection, as well as the financial and social compensations, often help them overcome their trauma and reach an even happier state than before.

Of course there are people that do not fit into any of the categories above. There is always room for error when it comes to data collections and surveys. For example, even if statistics show that people have good recoveries after traumatic events, this may actually be because people who have not recovered simply did not respond to the surveys, which is a plausible explanation. On the other side of the spectrum, there may be people who view all life events as a conveyance of meaning. This is not necessarily attributing every tragedy into something divine or pre-planned, which I have mentioned above. Rather, this is viewing such events as an opportunity: something that is not to be simply thrust onto someone higher above, but rather, something that the individual has to make meaning out of it by themselves.

Ultimately, life courses, and happiness, are not from what is actually happening to them. Rather, they are from what they do to maximize their pleasure (relying on a neurological machine, or actually going out to meet people and do fun activities), how they perceive chosen suffering (avoiding them for contemporary comfort, or treating them as a process for something meaningful – if better, even enjoying that process itself), and how they view life events (simply treating them as fate and expecting someone higher above to do something for them, or treating them as opportunities for them to make changes). This is something we should all keep in mind as we navigate through the courses of pain and pleasure in our lives, reaching for a "sweet spot" where sufficient pain leads to sufficient pleasure, and thus, generates meaning.